i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize