are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize