Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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