Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
