I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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