Swine flu. Run for my life!
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
