I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
high people should be assigned attendants
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
