I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
