Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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