you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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