Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
