I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
