Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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