Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
