he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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