I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
