I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
