I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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