That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize