Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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