Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
