oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
