I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
