mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
