worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
love makes seman taste better
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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