every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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