i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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