Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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