I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
