i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
