Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
