dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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