it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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