who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
