tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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