I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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