You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
