the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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