I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
