Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
