I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
