Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Buhtt sex?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
