everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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