Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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