you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
