apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
