The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
