Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
