you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
