waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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