can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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