Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
