note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
