I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize