omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
