i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I looked at my own cervix.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
