tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
