apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
