meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
