Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
