I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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