Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
