why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The best revenge is premature balding
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
