Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize