i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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