somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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