Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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