Soap is not a condiment
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
