I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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