My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
